Somewhere in Between
by medicatedxlives
Summary: Summary: In the platform between the world of the living and the world of the dead, Severus Snape meets up with the one woman he always wanted in life, and can now finally join in the journey of death. [OneShot]


_A/N: So this is a story written by my wonderful cousin. She wants you all to know that it was rather odd for her to call Snape, Severus while writing this. Also that this story is pure fluff. _

_Hope you enjoy it!_

**Somewhere in Between**

Severus Snape didn't imagine death to be quite like this.

Of course, that was if he was dead. There was always the chance that he wasn't. The place looked almost like the epitome of of nothingness, yet at the same time, everything to have ever existed.

The white may have stood for purity or maybe a symbolism for peace, the Great Beyond. Severus felt that the pitch black of the robes on him were horribly out of place in the stark whiteness of the place - where was this exactly? he still didn't know - and wondered if he really was supposed to be here, go to the place where all the good people went, rather than the bad.

And then somehow, inexplicably, he heard the soft sounds of hooves upon grass.

It made no sense, of course. Because there was not a trace of grass here, just an empty plane of sorts that seemed endless to his eyes. He dared not move from his spot, for he was afraid that there was a chance that he may get lost in the space between the two worlds, and never find his way back.

Yet the imaginary steps that Severus had heard inside his head were an unexpected source of comfort, and as he turned around towards the direction he had heard the quiet noise from, he could almost feel his lips twist into a smile.

The doe was as beautiful as she looked the first time she had erupted from the tip of his wand, all silver and blue and the embodiment of all things good in his life. With the long slender neck and strong limbs and gentle eyes that Severus thought was impossible to exist in something that was any part of him, he thought it somehow still made perfect sense, as that was how he saw _her_ and as far as he was concerned, his patronus _was _her.

His hand reached out and landed on the smoothly curving head, and almost automatically, his long and thin fingers started to stroke the soft fur.

"Looks like it's just you and me again," said Severus, his voice tranquil and distant, as though he was thinking these thoughts rather than saying them out loud. "Once again I'm in a place with nothing and no one, and you show up to keep me from being driven insane."

The doe nuzzled against his hand.

"I think you've reached that point and passed it long ago, Severus," a voice retorted. A voice so familiar that Severus felt his shoulders freeze, yet strangely, his fingers never stopped stroking the doe's head. "Especially if you can't tell the difference between my patronus and yours."

Footsteps behind him grew steadily closer - something that shouldn't be physically possible as he was sure they weren't literally standing on anything physical - yet Severus could not bring himself to look behind, as his throat was parched and he was sure that if he turned and looked, he would find out that it was all some illusion, and not even the sounds he was hearing were real.

"You can look at me, you know." The voice was now softer, but still held that tone that only she could pull off, that said he better do as she said right now.

"What are you doing here, Potter?"

He didn't need to look back to know those dark red eyebrows had risen across her forehead, and the condescending glare that was on her face right then was directed at him. "Potter, huh? Not even Evans? Huh. Well, I suppose that it's one step better than _Mudblood_."

Severus cringed. That was a low blow. A completely deserved low blow, but one nonetheless. But before he could correct himself - apologize, retort, it didn't matter - he saw a swish of emerald green robes through the corner of his eyes, and then the doe was gone, and he was standing face to face with Lily Potter.

"I think I'd still prefer Lily, though."

She looked exactly the same as she did in all of her pictures. The same long hair that was the darkest red, like the horizon of the sky during twilight and dusk. Her eyes were the same color as her robes - bright and green and elegant - yet at the same time not, because her eyes were lively to an extent mere fabric could not manage to duplicate. Her face was still pale with a scatter of freckles across her nose and cheeks, and she had a twitch across her lips that said she was trying not to smile, and Severus had never before been so aware of his own age and appearance.

Lily's arms were crossed across her chest, and the first thing that Severus could say after a moment of silence that must have been longer than a moment, was, "Am I dead?"

She giggled a bit at his question, and Severus thought that if she was some kind of hallucination, it was a really, really realistic one. 

"Do you want to be dead?" she asked instead, and Severus furrowed his eyebrows slightly in thought.

"I don't know," he said at last, not looking away from Lily's face, because this was the first time he'd seen it so clearly in sixteen years, and he didn't dare look away. "I never put thought in these kind of matters before."

Lily laughed again. "Do you want me to tell you then?"

"That would be convenient. And appreciated."

"Then I should tell you that yes, you are." She smiled, and waved her hand around to gesture at the space around them. "But not yet."

Severus frowned, lips pulling down, and the creases on his face becoming more prominent. "That can't be possible," he said. "Because I can't be dead but not be at the same time. It's impossible to be somewhere in between."

"Well, I've been dead for a while now," she said, and she tapped her finger to her temple to emphasize a point she didn't make yet. "I think I would know better."

Severus resisted the strange urge that rose within him - the one to laugh and scoff and rub his head in frustration at the same time. "You always did think you were right about everything, Lily. And you called _Potter _arrogant."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, well, if I am right, I'm pretty sure that cancels out whatever _traces _of arrogance that I may have influenced with. I can't possibly be that way by my own free will."

"Naturally." 

Lily continued to pierce him with her eyes, and although Severus didn't want to, he was forced to look away.

"...So what do you mean by I'm dead but not really?" he asked, reaching up to push back some of his falling pieces of stringy hair.

Lily pursed her lips, and in one of the rare moments that maybe happened three times in his life, Severus wished he wasn't once Lily's best friend.

He knew that that look of disappointment in her eyes was because this wasn't the right question he was supposed to ask, and he knew what the correct one was. Because in all honesty, the inquiry asked paled in relevance to all the things he could have asked - he was practically _bursting _to ask.

But Lily had been his best friend too, and she simply replied with a, "You're too far in to go back. But we're - you're - not quite _there _yet."

All this was said in the tone that she had used when explaining some irrelevant Charms theory to him throughout the years.

Severus frowned thoughtfully. "Where?" 

Lily smiled. "Wherever it is you're meant to go when you die."

"You can't tell me?" Even to his own ears the question sounded childish.

"Why bother?" A smirk stole across her lips. "You'll be seeing it soon anyway." 

Severus idly reached for the place in his robes where his wand would normally be located, and then realized that he did not have it anymore.

He wondered if it was possible to summon a patronus without a wand here - the doe was his source of comfort, to say. He would have to ask Lily, sometime. It would be nice to have the one companion he had since the age of fifteen.

"So we are waiting for something?" Severus asked after a moment of silence.

"Something," confirmed Lily with a nod. 

"...Like what?"

"Hmm." Lily thoughtfully tapped her chin before smiling. "A train." 

Severus looked at her skeptically. "What, really?" 

Laughing, Lily replied, "No. But yes. It's hard to explain really."

"Seems like every aspect of this limbo place is difficult to comprehend."

Lily hummed in response.

"Probably," she said, once again landing upon him her piercing look. "But there are somethings that are really quite easy to discuss."

As Severus was not looking at her at the moment, he didn't turn to do so when she said it. 

"You want to sit down?"

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Hmm?"

"I'll take that as a yes," said Lily, and with a wave of her hand, a wooden bench appeared at the space beside them. She sat herself down and stared pointedly at him then at the empty place beside her, and Severus stiffly sat down. 

"How long are we going to be waiting here?" asked Severus. "For the train?"

"Who knows?" replied Lily, looking off into the endless distance. "It really depends."

"And are you here to come with me?" Severus had to work hard to keep that hope out of his voice, but he thought Lily heard it anyway.

She shrugged. "Like I said, it really depends."

"On what?"

Lily didn't reply, and somehow, the benches had turned into swings, and Severus found his hands wrapped around the rusting metal chains that hung down from nothing.

"So what have you been up to, Severus?" asked Lily, her feet gently pushing against the ground to start in a slow, steady swing.

"I get the feeling that I should be asking you that," he replied, looking at her covertly from the corner of his eyes.

"Probably," laughed Lily, and she faced him too. "I know what you've been up to lately. Longer than lately, actually."

His heart had started to speed up in rhythm, and Severus wondered just how long she was talking about because he didn't dare ask.

"I've been dropping by, every once in a while," continued Lily, still swinging, her dark red hair flying behind her as she did so before she would swing back and it would catch up with her body, "to see what you've been up to. To see what everyone had been up to." 

Severus could not look at her in the eyes. "I see." 

"And I want to say thank you."

This time, Severus _did _look at her in the eyes, but only in shock and disbelief. "What?"

"Don't sound so surprised, Severus," said Lily, absentmindedly scratching her freckled cheek. "I'm really grateful. Everything that you have done, everything that you were still planning to do. You are a far better person than anyone ever gave you credit for. One of the best people I've ever known, I'd say."

Severus didn't answer because he didn't know what to say, and even if he did, his throat was ridiculously dry and any form of sound he tried to make never reached his mouth.

"Thank you for looking after Harry, is what I'm saying. He might not know it, but a lot of the things that ever went right for him never would've happened if it weren't for you." 

She paused for a bit, sighing, and looked into the distance, her green eyes moving away from his own black ones momentarily. "It must've been difficult, I know. Harry sure did love to give you trouble. But you still did it, which is what counts. Dumbledore chose the right person to look after-"

"I didn't do it for him," Severus found himself saying automatically. Because he didn't know why - or maybe he did - but he needed Lily to know that everything he did so far had been for her, and not for some old man - no matter the fact that Professor Dumbledore was one of the greatest people he ever met. "I did it-"

"I know," said Lily, and Severus didn't continue for a few moments.

Was it really moments, though? The time and space and general physics of this place didn't seem to align itself with anything. It was almost like he was in a plane of being that only existed _there_, and the general dimensions of the other worlds lay at a standstill while he was here, conversing with Lily.

Which was why he had to ask her, in a rather subdued and reserved yet at the same time filled with quiet hope and fear, "Are you real?"

Lily seemed to be waiting for this question, for she just smiled impishly, and simply replied with a question of her own, "Do you think I'm real?"

Severus swallowed, and for a moment he almost started to reach out to touch her - to see if she truly was. But then he stopped, his fingers curling into a loose fist as he pulled his hand and lay it on his lap.

He didn't need physical proof to know that Lily was here. Because nothing and no part of his imagination could ever so perfectly capture that exact shade of red that was her, the way it curled in some places, but not in others. No one could replicate her eyes, which green and beautiful and even in death full of so much life.

So he answered honestly, even though a little bit of fear still remained within him because there was always a chance he was wrong. "I do."

"Then," said Lily, brushing back her sunset red hair, "it doesn't matter if I'm real or not. As long as you believe it, it's real."

But then she continued, "But just for your piece of mind, I suppose I _am _real. As real as you are, as real as your thoughts are, as real as this place is, as real as where we're about to go is..." 

And she really did look beautiful as she trailed off, her mind upon things that couldn't possibly be him, and he hung his head low, letting his long black hair fall around his face as he said, "Forgive me."

The swinging beside him stopped, and Lily did not answer.

"I understand, you have to know," Severus continued, looking at his feet that lay upon pure white. "What I did isn't something that is easily forgivable. Something that is possibly not forgivable at all. But I've been trying." He stopped for a moment, struggling with the words he wanted to say but was having so much difficulty trying to come out. "I've been trying to be the kind of person you might look at again without feeling hatred or anger. Trying to do something big enough - important enough - to make it clear just how remorseful I am." 

He laughed a little, bitterness the main emotion that laced it. "Sadly, I don't think I've managed to do that yet in the last sixteen years."

Severus finally looked up and stared at her straight in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said, wondering if she could see just how much he meant it. "I'm sorry I killed you."

Lily didn't answer for a while, resuming in her swinging. Her long red hair bounced behind her.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked again, wishing against every possible odds that the answer was yes. Because Lily was the only person who's acceptance he had always wanted, the only person who's love he ever needed. And at that moment, it didn't matter that she would never love him the way he loved her - because her heart was someone else's just like his was hers. As long as she could just look at him, and smile the way she used to, then it would all be worth it.

"Well, Severus, you did just say that you killed me," Lily said at last, and although he rejoiced upon hearing her speak, every other part of him felt that familiar ache that was always present when he was alive, like a second soul, which had disappeared the moment he heard her voice before.

"I'm sorry," he said again, and even to his own ears it sounded feeble and defeated.

"But you saved my son's life."

Severus could hardly believe his own ears.

"Not just once, but over and over again. You put yourself in life threatening situations so many times over the past years just so you could do the right thing. You repented everything bad you may have ever done - you've made up for things that you haven't _even _done."

Lily smiled at him. "I think we can call it even."

Severus blinked, and for the first time since Lily's death, he felt the heaviness in heart lift just the slightest.

"You are a good person, Sev," Lily told him, and Severus thought it was fitting that this was the one sentence out of all things she had said so far that made the back of eyes sting with gathering tears. Because he finally got the only thing he had ever truly wanted - Lily's forgiveness, perhaps even a tentative friendship. "One of the best that ever graced the world, even."

He closed his eyes, and willed for them to dry, when Lily continued with, "I'm just sorry that I didn't try hard enough to hang on to our friendship."

Severus was quick to reply with, "That was not your fault in the slightest. If you're sorry for letting go too soon, trust me when I say I'm a thousand times more apologetic for even placing you in a position where you had to do so."

"I suppose," laughed Lily, "that like before, I'm always right, you're always wrong, and we can both live with it happily."

"And you said that Potter had a big ego," Severus said, not a trace of sarcasm in the very sarcastic reply.

Lily laughed.

The swings had disappeared to be replaced back with the bench that it had started out with. And suddenly, the silence between them wasn't filled with the thick tension from before, but it was rather comfortable, like how it had been like back when they were eleven, and pondering about the wonders of the magical world they were going to be heading towards soon.

And Lily still looked like the Lily from when they were still children, all dark red hair and emerald green eyes and pale skin with a scatter of freckles and the carefree smile that had captured him the moment he had seen it, even back when he was ten.

"Do you hear it?" Lily asked suddenly, looking into the distance, that had absolutely no ending or beginning, but Severus thought he knew what Lily was talking about, even though not a single sound reached his ears.

"The train?" He felt himself smile after what seemed like years. "I do."

Lily smiled, and stood up, looking down at him expectantly, with a more playful version of her infamous lofty look gracing her face. "Then let's get going, Sev. We don't want to miss it."

And as she started to walk towards a destination he could not see, Severus thought that it would be enough just to get up and follow.

**THE END**


End file.
